While I believe that people are inherently good, there are people out there who have lost their way and don’t always do the right things. People who suffer from addictions, commit crimes, and domestic abusers all come to mind. In my career, I have seen them all. I have seen even a few people who do not regret their terrible choices, which is a true shame. But as a good Christian, I do believe that it is not my job to judge them and to try and forgive them no matter what. However, I am human, and it is hard to forgive someone who is still actively abusing someone else.

Domestic violence is a terrible thing. It was always hard to see victims who suffered at the hands of loved ones, especially children. It is a hard part of my job but so very necessary. These are people who have been betrayed by the ones who are supposed to love them the most, who are supposed to comfort and not hurt, support and not wound. These victims need time to heal not just their physical wounds but their emotional pain as well.

If you know someone who is being subjected to domestic violence, there are things you can do. The most important thing you can do is believe them. If someone tells you that something is wrong, that someone is hurting them, accept what they are saying as true. In most cases, people have no reason to lie about being abused, in fact it is usually the opposite. But the simple act of believing them can give victims a chance to feel heard, to be willing to trust, and to stand up for themselves by removing themselves from the situation.

Please don’t feel that you should confront the abuser – it can make the situation worse for the victim as well as put yourself in danger. Especially in a spousal situation, violence can escalate quickly. Instead, focus on supporting the victim. You can provide them with a safe haven, a listening ear, or a ride if they need it. You can go with them to report their abuse, hold their hand while they recount their story to law enforcement, and encourage them to take the time they need to heal. If you are really concerned, call the police yourself. And if you are obligated to report a suspected abuse situation, please do so, even if you feel you are betraying a confidence. Things rarely get better in an abusive situation unless there is a significant change.

Finally, remember that if you are unsure of anything, you can always ask for clarification from a counselor, a doctor, or another professional. You don’t have to name names or be specific. You can raise your concerns and ask for advice on how to proceed. The important thing is to be sure about the situation and provide the most effective support in that particular situation.

Part of my interest in helping the community has to do with the area youth. There are widespread programs sponsored by various local organizations, but they need boosters to spread the word. I have become enamored with sports for kids activities them foster socialization and create leadership and teambuilding skills. There is true salvation in sports for those children who do not get sufficient guidance at home and need extracurricular activities for proper mental and physical development. One particular program is all about making soccer the new game in town. It is already growing in popularity around the country for boys and girls and has sparked publications like Top Corner Mag, but it is gaining more adherence in Salem, where I live, given the attention on it as a vehicle for growth.

I never played but I understand that it is challenging game that takes a lot of practice. To be good at it, a player has to put in the time after school and on weekends. But the whole team is there, sharing strategies and tips. It can be all absorbing, like most pastimes, and the kids love the camaraderie and team spirit. Kudos go to the parents and coaches who promote soccer and make it a source of learning and personal excellence. The problems that commonly plague youth soccer aren’t part of our program– the yelling coach, the complaining parent, the dreaded car ride home after a loss, the underperforming athlete, the player who doesn’t know where to go on the field, and the game instructions that seem to contradict themselves (“Don’t pass that, dribble in!”, “Don’t dribble, pass the ball!”).

Kids respond well to consistency during training and encouragement during play. The program director of our program has hired the best people to teach and train so the players become skilled and adept, so they can continue on as they get older. I support the effort wholeheartedly and offer my time upon occasion when I am not volunteering. My interests are varied and my exposure to new situations and ideas has grown. There is great reward in working for the community in so many ways. I never expected to be so absorbed by youth sports. I have taken to watching soccer playoff games and rooting for my favorite team.

One of my pet peeves is stale cigarette smoke in cars, hair, clothes, and furniture. It lasts forever, giving everything in the vicinity a distinctive odor. When I was looking for a place to live, and finances were limited, I had to rent an apartment on a budget. This meant that I had to put up with the neighbors and their nasty habits. And I don’t mean the yelling coming through the thin walls, nor the barking dog who kept me awake all night. I mean the telltale signs of smoking around the building—cigarette butts left without thought. When I think back at this tough time in my life, I am motivated to write a blog on advice for tenants. Here is what I have to say:

Be sure to visit the building under consideration at different times of the day or night to assess the noise level. Are there horrid cooking smells permeating every inch of the premises at six o’clock at night? Well, that could be coming from your kitchen, too. Is smoking permitted insider and out as part of the tenant rules? Or are there any rules at all? No rules means lack of concern by the landlord for your rights and well-being.

When you make a decision and sign the lease, be sure to commit yourself to a good on-going relationship with the owner or manager. It will serve you well long term when you need assistance and support. Don’t be a pain and a complainer who makes the landlord turn a deaf ear. You don’t have to be best friends; just a cordial, neutral relationship will do. Let little things slide so he or she will jump on the important matters like a broken water heater or defective stove.

If you are a non-smoker, ask for a unit far from those who do smoke to minimize stale smells. You will want to select an apartment that is odor free, meaning the furniture is clean and hygienic. Check the drapes and carpets as they also absorb smoke. A good landlord will have the place fully scrubbed and scored before a new tenant moves in. There are effective ways to rid a space of all cigarette residue.

If you are a smoker, consider yourself lucky that you have found a place that tolerates it indoors. As a courtesy to others, use air deodorizing spray and keep the windows open (Source: No More Smoke Smell). Of course, never leave any irritating evidence outside for others to dispose of. If all smokers did this, the subsequent tenants, smokers or not, will have a better experience.

There are many other “must dos” for rental tenants that will enhance your reputation as a cooperative and respectful neighbor.

• Wrap your trash in plastic bags tied at the top
• Clean up after your pet outside
• Don’t use someone else’s parking space
• Don’t remove other’s laundry from the machines. Wait until the load is finished.
• Don’t leave towels and soda cans by the pool

I believe a blog is a wonderful way to spread the word and gain adherents to a cause. I have a general respect for anything that helps people in need and turning to charities in my town of Salem has been my own personal reward. I can’t tell you how good it feels to do some good in the world. I hope you will join me in shining a little light for those who are lost and can’t find their way. I feel an obligation to volunteer my time and services, and I hope I will inspire you to do the same in your area. Trust me, it will be your salvation.

There is nothing like working with a group on a project that will impact the public positively and create good feeling. It is not enough to give money although that it certainly a way to start. Whether or not you have the means, charitable actions are priceless in any form. You can always raise money and support fundraisers that are likely to bring in much more than you can alone. There is no limit to what can be done in the interest of securing funds for a specific need. It can be a fancy dinner, a bake sale, an auction, or a car wash. School kids know all about this.

The community has a craft fair every year and volunteers help with publicity and securing participation. Local artisans come from miles around to sell their wares for the organization. It is one that appeals to everyone and getting people to come is no problem. Fortunately, woodworking is popular in the countryside around these parts and we had ample offerings for the fair from one particular vendor whose work approaches fine art. After all, we are all part of Woodwork Nation. I admire the craftsmanship involved in handmade pieces that are often intricate and unfathomable in terms of construction and finish.

When this woodworker participates, we all get excited for ourselves and for the buyers who flock to his booth. Wood projects can be large or small and they inevitably enhance any space. On display, they speak for themselves. Any time of hand skill garners public attention and we are lucky, indeed, when this artist decides to do a demonstration on the spot. The craft fair event is always a winner for those who love crafts as much as I do.

This year I became enamored with a small carved deer with exquisite horns and a long, elegant nose. My father loves animals and I grabbed this gem immediately before it could get away. All profits go to the charity, of course. I was happy to “give” in a different way. I could see the deer in my mind’s eye on his fireplace mantle, right under the landscape oil painting above. I used to make things in school for him as a kid, but my abilities never developed. Now I enjoy shopping instead and fining unique things fashioned by others.

There are so many people out there who are struggling and longing for help. Even just a tiny amount could be just what they need to improve themselves and their situation. Believe it or not, you have been blessed with the ability to provide that help.

For example, you probably have items like books or clothing, or even decorations, that you don’t use anymore. You might have items in your closet, garage, basement, attic, or even a rarely visited storage unit. They are just sitting there taking up valuable space and gathering dust. You can bless someone else with these items and reduce your own clutter at the same time. It won’t cost you anything other than a little time and energy. You’ll appreciate the extra space you will gain and the joy of helping others, while someone will be able to get items that they need. I know you may not think that old box of shoes, books, or old decor could mean the world to someone who has lost everything they own, but it just might.

If you have a hobby or are skilled in a trade, there are plenty of opportunities for you to help out. If you are a car mechanic, for example, volunteering to help fix someone’s vehicle who cannot afford to pay full price for repairs could change their life! Anything related to home building is always in demand. Your skills could provide a home for a family in desperate need of shelter. I know from experience that counselors are also very important – having someone who cares, even if you provide nothing other than a listening ear and a kind heart, may do more for some people than anyone has in a long time.

If you don’t have any special vocational skills, please don’t be discouraged. If you can write a top-notch resume, you can help someone who is struggling get a job. Maybe you have a great sense of style and can help someone put together an outfit for an important hearing or job interview. Even if you only cook one great dish, there are places like soup kitchens or housing for families of long-term hospital residents that might love to eat a home-cooked meal.

You don’t need to be rich to make a huge impact. Small amounts of your time or even just a couple of donated items will always carry weight far greater than you would believe. The talents God blessed you with are meant to be shared with the world. Trust me, the people you will grace with the goodness of your heart will appreciate it forever.

Addiction is an issue in most families. It lives in dark corners that people are ashamed or afraid to talk about. In this day and age, there is so much that people can be addicted to – from shopping to gambling to alcohol to drugs.

Our culture thrives on feeding addictions. Commercials at all hours of the day and night glorifying alcohol, cigarettes, medications, casinos… The list goes on and on. I see it all the time. Patients go to the doctor with mild aches and pains, then leave with an opioid prescription that sets them on a dangerous path of substance abuse. New mothers are taught that it’s acceptable to have wine after a rough day with a baby and then suddenly they are drinking every night.

The saying is true: it is hardest to admit to admit to having a problem. You don’t want to believe that there is a problem and it is hard to actually say the words. But if you have an addict in your life, or you are one yourself, identifying your addiction means that you are ready and willing to accept help and make an effort to change.

Recovery is a long and sometimes scary road. It is a long process, and while it is worth it, it can be intimidating and scary. But there is good news: you never have to go through any part of it alone. God is always with you, no matter what you have done in the past. He will never abandon you, even if you think you have disappointed Him or are undeserving of forgiveness.

I have another piece of good news: there are people out there who want to help. They can be there every step of the way. You can ask a doctor, a family member, or a trusted friend to help you on this journey – chances are, they are already aware that there is a problem and are just waiting for you to reach out.

If you feel alone or embarrassed, there are support groups available as well – and many of them only require your presence and a first name. You will find compassion and understanding in these groups. Sometimes they are run by members of the clergy or are specially trained counselors. Many times, the people who run the meetings and the other attendees have all been through the same things you have and have come out the other side. You can find a group near you as easily as conducting a search on the internet.

Remember that there are people out there who want to help. There are people who have been through the same thing. You are never alone, and you are always worthy of care and compassion, regardless of the things that have happened to you and the things you have done. You are more than your actions, you are more than your bad days. You may have believed that once, and you can believe it again.

Life can be hard. Unforeseen circumstances or any number of emergencies can change your life in an instant.  We’ve all been in a tight spot in our lives. The lucky among us had someone there to help us stay afloat. But when you feel like you have nowhere to turn, know that you have options.

For example, the Salvation Army is always there to help. Their goal is to meet human needs in God’s name without discriminating. They provide food, shelter, school supplies, and emergency financial assistance for things like rent or medications. They can even provide toys for the holidays to those in need. They will attend to your spiritual needs, too, if you would like. But you are never obligated in order to receive services.

Many area churches also offer different programs. Some run food or clothing pantries, some will house the homeless on cold nights, others provide meals or gifts for holidays. Even if you are not a member of the church, they will welcome you with open arms and let you know what they can assist you with.

If you have school-aged children, talk to their guidance counselor if you need help. They may be able to locate free or low-cost uniforms, assist you with getting free breakfasts or lunches for your child, provide needed school supplies, and connect you with organizations that will help with gifts for birthdays or holidays. There may be a backpack program to help you feed your child when school is not in session on the weekends. The library might even be willing to allow your children to borrow additional books for the summer or on longer breaks to prevent that “summer slide.”

If you require medical or dental care, you also have options. While any hospital will treat you regardless of your ability to pay, that does not mean you will not be saddled with a bill. A QuickCare clinic, like the one offered in the West Salem NorthWest Human Services clinic, will treat you same day for most common ailments. The prices are on a sliding scale based on your family size and income so that you don’t have to worry about whether you can pay.

The Oregon Department of Human Services is a great option for a variety of resources. They provide assistance and information for many different needs. They offer food, child care, and cash assistance. They can help with developmental disability services and assist seniors.  If you are looking to help or require foster care services, DHS can work with you on that as well.

The important thing here is to know that you are not alone. Many of the people who volunteer or provide assistance have been in the same situation themselves. All you need to do is ask. It may feel like a wound to your pride to ask for help, but there is no nobility in suffering. It will all be worth it, I promise.

Talking about a past trauma, a difficult relationship, or even just a bad day can be uncomfortable for some people. They may not feel like they have anyone they trust enough to confide in. They may feel like nobody cares enough to listen. Or they may believe that whatever they say will be used against them later, whether in an argument or just to be made fun of when the situation arises. Other people don’t want their family or friends to think poorly of them, or they are too shy or ashamed to reach out for help.

I felt that way once, when I was in high school. I was having a tough time trying to meet the expectations my family had for me – to get good grades so I could get into a good college so I could get a great job. It felt like too much, and I was totally overwhelmed. I felt like my parents had their own problems and all they wanted was the best for me. I felt bad telling them that I felt like I was drowning in homework and that I might never get into college. I felt very alone. One day I had to meet with the guidance counselor to talk about my post-graduation plans. Everything sort of came out in a rush – the pressure I felt, the anxiety, the fact that I felt like nobody understood what I was going through. And this counselor, her name was Miss Wendin, she just sat and listened. Whenever I paused for breath, she would nod and ask me to continue when I was ready. I talked for over an hour. When I was done, she patiently explained that what I felt was normal and that if I chose a school or major that didn’t fit, there was nothing wrong with transferring or changing majors. Knowing that I could change my mind made me feel a lot better.

That meeting changed my life. I realized that everyone needed someone to talk to, and that I could be that person. I had found what I wanted to do for a living, and I haven’t regretted a moment of it. I love being there for people, listening to their stories and helping them get back on their feet. There is something so rewarding about sharing the burdens of others, being able to revel in their joy and lessen their burdens. I have learned over the years that everyone is worthy of love, that no one has sinned so badly that they are undeserving of our compassion and kindness when they ask for help. It has been an honor and a privilege to assist this community, and I hope that I can continue to be of service for a long time to come.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I absolutely recommend counseling services. It is a way to unburden your heart without fear of judgment or reprisal, a way to heal and work through painful feelings or memories. A trusted counselor can be by your side through whatever you need.